Beginnings

I begin these posting to find my way though the fog of grief. My Mom died suddenly in September 2007. I wish I could write profound wisdom. I wish I could write answers that would guide my path. I wish I could find logic and sense in this, but the honest truth, is I feel lost. I desperetly miss my Mom. There is nothing that will fix this. Life is forever changed from that night when she went to the hospital.

I have survive my first holiday without her, wounded and confused. I simply cannot believe that she is really gone. She was healthy and alive one day, and gone the next. Words fail me. She called to say she thought she was having a heart attack, but it was an aortic dissection. Nothing they did at the hospital could stop it. I watched in horror as she slipped away.

Perhaps I think that by sending this out as an anonymous posting on the internet I will reach her in some way. Maybe I just want to reach myself. Who am I now that both of my parents are gone? I feel like I left a huge part of my in that hospital ER. How do adjust my mind to this world shattering change?